I think I can actually do this.

 

It was weird. I've been doubting myself, my abilities and my path in the arts for years. Art school's supposed to tear you down and build you back up, and while I've had a TON of fun these past few years, I've felt less assured and confident in my abilities and artistic voice than when I first started... I've been struggling to put things together and express myself. I look into big name grad programs and think I could never, EVER do that. Just the thought of applying makes me a bit queezy. I hear about teachers and mentors selling paintings for about 100,000 dollars, and think, man, that's got to be the life. Sell one painting a year, and you live pretty comfortably. And think I'll never get there.


At the opening for One New Painting, that changed a bit. I realized that I might be able to pull it off. As amazing as all those other works were, mine did hold up. I saw a lot of things in these paintings that I wanted to emulate, and a lot of things that just stunned me as far as how they did that. But again, mine held up pretty well. I was the youngest of the show. The least experienced of the group, yet, you couldn't tell that at first glance.


Instead of being ignored or ripped into by the rest of the painters for being a young upstart shithead, who was only in the show because I knew the owner of the gallery, which I was half expecting, I got a lot of amazing feedback on my work. I got a lot of words of advice and encouragement. I had established artists ask me who my dealer was, and what galleries I show in full-time. I heard a lot of stories about their art school exploits and early work. I was stunned by myself, too. I was able to intelligently explain and defend my choices in my work, and asked intelligent questions from them as well, too. There were no harsh words, just pieces of advice and inquisitive questions that got my thinking about future paintings, and how to approach my work.


And by the end of the night, my feet sore from the 6 inch heels I had decided to wear, a bit tipsy from the wine I had, and my make up smudged cause it was really bloody hot in there, the thought hit me:

I might actually be able to do this art thing after all.