I think I can actually do this.

 

It was weird. I've been doubting myself, my abilities and my path in the arts for years. Art school's supposed to tear you down and build you back up, and while I've had a TON of fun these past few years, I've felt less assured and confident in my abilities and artistic voice than when I first started... I've been struggling to put things together and express myself. I look into big name grad programs and think I could never, EVER do that. Just the thought of applying makes me a bit queezy. I hear about teachers and mentors selling paintings for about 100,000 dollars, and think, man, that's got to be the life. Sell one painting a year, and you live pretty comfortably. And think I'll never get there.


At the opening for One New Painting, that changed a bit. I realized that I might be able to pull it off. As amazing as all those other works were, mine did hold up. I saw a lot of things in these paintings that I wanted to emulate, and a lot of things that just stunned me as far as how they did that. But again, mine held up pretty well. I was the youngest of the show. The least experienced of the group, yet, you couldn't tell that at first glance.


Instead of being ignored or ripped into by the rest of the painters for being a young upstart shithead, who was only in the show because I knew the owner of the gallery, which I was half expecting, I got a lot of amazing feedback on my work. I got a lot of words of advice and encouragement. I had established artists ask me who my dealer was, and what galleries I show in full-time. I heard a lot of stories about their art school exploits and early work. I was stunned by myself, too. I was able to intelligently explain and defend my choices in my work, and asked intelligent questions from them as well, too. There were no harsh words, just pieces of advice and inquisitive questions that got my thinking about future paintings, and how to approach my work.


And by the end of the night, my feet sore from the 6 inch heels I had decided to wear, a bit tipsy from the wine I had, and my make up smudged cause it was really bloody hot in there, the thought hit me:

I might actually be able to do this art thing after all. 

Another Opening

My painting next to a portrait by Heather Stormer

Well, One New Painting opened this past Friday. You know, the show I've been freaking myself out over. Yeah. that one. Painting finally got done, ahead of time, for once, and brought into the shop. I helped clean and hang the show. There were a few paintings in the group that I seriously wish I could do. The use of color and mark and sheer drawing ability in every singe piece was just stunning and made me feel like I knew nothing about painting or drawing- until I realized that those painters have a good 30 or 40 years on me, and a degree or two more than me. The ones I talked to told me about the work they were doing at my age, and made me feel a bit better about what I'm doing now. But still, something to aspire too, I guess. I heard a lot of stories from their days as students, and about the work they were doing at my age. Seriously fun stuff.

There had to be well over 100 people that milled through there and saw the art, had a few glasses of wine, and just talked with everyone else. A good chunk of my friends showed up, some from high school and some from college, which was a real relief to see familiar friendly faces in the crowd. A lot of people I spoke to didn't quite believe I was one of the artists at first, and the one that did didn't believe I was still a student. The ones who thought I was one of the artists thought I already had full gallery representation and dealers. Which made me nervous and massively caught me off guard. I'm still a student. While yes, I do have time to be entering some shows, the idea of actual representation and actually working with a gallery is so far out of my mind right now....

Most people just commented on my hair or my zombie heels. Which leads to a great piece of advice I got during the night "The only ones that make it in this business are the ones with big personalities or rich friends" I seem to have both going for me. So there's hope. Kind of.

The REAL kicker of the night was when Michael Scott showed up. With his own bottle of tequila and limes. He'd told everyone he had an event on the other side of the country to be at. So the entire gallery went silent when he just walked in, since everyone knew who he was, and he's kind of a big deal. And he lives on the other side of the country. I honestly didn't get to speak to him too much. It was a wee bit intimidating just to be in a show with him, much less actually talk to the guy about art.

It was a fun, exhausting, and somewhat intimidating night. I met a lot of people, got a lot of great feedback and comments on my painting, and got a lot of words of encouragement. It'll be great to see the show over the next few weeks, and hopefully the shop will do more things like this in the future.


More photos to come as I get them.

Staring Contest

Every artist hits this stage.

You know, when you've finally nearly resolved a piece, but it's not quite singing yet- it's not quite there. But you don't know what it needs.


I hate this stage. I feel like I'm having a staring contest with my painting. I feel like it's winning. All of a sudden, my work flow grinds to a hault, and I'm just stuck there looking and staring at my drawing or painting, trying to figure out what it needs. It's really really annoying. During the school year I can wander off and go work on another project. Sometimes the solution will come to me, and if not, I can pester someone else in the studio for help. Or ask my professor. Or it will suddenly hit me during crit, and I can beg my way into making those final tweaks before it gets turned in.

Well, it's summer. I 'd have 3 studios with hard deadlines. I don't have like, 5 projects and 3 papers happening right now. I don't have any else in the studio, and I don't have anyone else but me to be held accountable. I don't even really have any deadlines. It's an odd feeling. There's a few people who I can send quick cellphone snaps to who can give me feedback- there's always my old teacher down the street who I can cart my work over to... But there's usually no one right there. Just me.

So I'm learning to have my own conversation with the painting. And trying to learn how to win the staring contest. I'm binging on reference photos and other art blogs. I've found some really inspiring stuff, and I've been doing a lot of drawings and studies from them.

I've also started a few more projects. Have ideas for plenty more. My lovely leather sketchbook is actually over halfway full. Maybe I can fill it up in the next month and send it off to get it refilled!


here's some fun experiments I've done:

I'm working on acidic color schemes. Really trying to make pretty, eye catching, but uncomfortable images.

Show Opening

It's been a rather uneventful week. Except for the one show opening last friday, and it's now been extended a good month. It was a pretty awesome turnout, and my work looks amazing all matted and framed. I was lucky enough to get some prime placement on the back gallery wall, too. Three of my pieces were grouped together, and look really stunning. It's so odd to see these loose drawings, that were no more than studies that usually end up on my studio floor or at the bottom of a pile, end up framed and matted on a gallery wall- and to hear and see people admiring them. I've been so self conscious about my art- not many people like gestural, expressive art. Say it's too sloppy and unrefined. Well- these drawings certainly didn't look sloppy or unrefined once I put nice matts and frames on them.

The opening was packed. At one point in time it was really hard to move around and see the art, there were so many people. A lot of people say art is dead, and it's becoming harder and harder to make it as an artist- if that night was any indication, it might just be that Cincinnati has a small, but strong art community. Everyone was really nice, and I met a lot of great local artists, and saw a few familiar faces. I honestly think I was the youngest artist in the show. Everyone was asking me where else I exhibit, what my website is, and where I got my training. They were a bit stunned to hear I'm still just a student, at a school not known for it's art, but they were really encouraging and gave me lots of advice for the future.

In fact, a number of pieces sold that night! Not any of mine, but here's hoping I sell at least one. That would be nice, classes are starting up soon, and I'm in two art history classes, meaning I'm going to end up spending a lot of money on books that I don't really look at much. Well, I might actually read the theory book, but I probably won't understand it. Also, I need to restock on paints, brushes, and paper before heading back to the Ox Box. Just thinking about it makes my bank account cry.

Show's open till the end of August, at the Red Tree Gallery in Cincinnati, Ohio. 

Go see it! Its really cool

Lesson Learned. Again

So. I'm a night owl. This should be pretty public knowledge by now. It's working out well for me right now because I can paint in the garage when it's cool, and there's no one around to pester me.
Well, last night I returned to my painting and made some pretty heavy revisions. After midnight. That was mistake 1, right?

I both solved a bunch of problems and caused a new one of this huuuuge imbalance in composition. I snapped this photo, asked a few of my IRC and AIM buddies for help. They gave me some helpful advice, and I decided to go forward with some changes and clean up. It was now ebbing up on 5am.

Unexpected Studio Visit

The painting I'm actually working on is coming along nicely. It's large, and brightly colored. There's some problems with it still, but it's coming along nicely. 20 days-ish to finish it up. Scary deadline. Any ideas, criticisms, or suggestions will be gladly accepted. <3